Nouvelle cuisine

A tropical pizza.

Cheese... check!
Ham... check!
Pineapple... check!
Maraschino cherries... check!

Wait, what? Maraschino cherries? DAFUQ???

Why, oh why would you ever do that, chef at the Restaurant Pizzante? 

I mean, really, what the fuck is this:

If I'd wanted a birthday cake, I would have gone to Palmera.

And, by the way, in what Universe is this a family-sized pizza?

Fuck this...

Mobile phones

I was born in the early '80s so I was lucky enough to witness all the major advances in todays technology first-hand. While I don't really qualify as a gadget-freak, I do believe I am very technology-literate. I love the stuff.

While I was growing up, people still had walkmans with cassettes (ah, the good-old mixed tape; the best way to tell a girl you like her), rented VHS tapes from the video store and had computers with floppy drives (yes, I have used both the 5 1/4- and the 3 1/2-inch versions). We connected to the Internet using modems (ah, the sound of a modem... my first one was a 28.8k one) and browsed using the Navigator. (R.I.P.). Oh, and google-ing stuff was not an option back then, as it did not even exist, so one had to use Lycos, for example.

As I said, I was lucky to witness all the major changes that have taken place since the late '80s: Intel introducing the Pentium CPUs, Windows OS booting automatically (in case you didn't know, before Win95 you had to boot from MS DOS with the infamous <win> + <ENTER> combination), CDs coming out, CD-RWs coming out, DVDs coming out, DVD-RWs coming out, BlueRays coming out, USBs introduced as THE standard port (PS/2 cables, anyone?), ISDN Internet connections, (A)DSL Internet connections, fibre optics Internet connections and of course (dramatic drum roll)... mobile phones.

Given all the above and my relation to technology, people are very often surprised that my mobile phone is a Nokia 6020, which I have had for 9 years now. There is but one question asked, every single time: Why?

Well, let's see. I can make phone calls and I can receive phone calls. I can send text messages and I can receive text messages. And that, my young padwans, is exactly the PURPOSE of a mobile PHONE.

Apparently, this is not enough to convince people and there's always a string of follow-up questions and "arguments".:

1) "But you can't check the Internet."

Well, I have another device for that. It's called a laptop. And it actually does a better job.

2) "But you can't have a Facebook/Twitter/blah-blah App."

Just read this.

3) "But you can't check your email all the time."

You know what? I DON'T want to check my email all the time. I like to be inaccessible for at least a few hours every day.

4) "But you don't have all these fancy games that we do."

The 6020 comes with backgammon. I'm Greek. Do the math and read this.

5) "But with a modern mobile you have so many options and can pass your time so easily on a long journey."

On long journeys I tend to pass my time with another brilliant invention of mankind. It's called a book.

Feel free to submit more arguments against having an "old" mobile.

Oh, by the way. I charge my phone's battery every week or so. How often do you do it?

WTF news #1...

I'm planning to have this as a recurring category of posts, providing that I find material which I deem to be worthy of entering the list. Given the world we live in, I feel rather confident that I'll be successful.

Starting with a somewhat old one: Letter to emperor sparks Japan row. 

When I hear the word Japan a few things come to mind: technology, the Game Boy, sushi, technology, the Wii, manga & anime, technology, a certain film and of course, TECHNOLOGY. And then you read this: "Many conservatives still consider the emperor and his family divine". A divine emperor??? In one of the world's most advanced countries... How? Why?

And then, you also get this, in a neighbouring country: Upset Boyfriend Commits Suicide In Mall After Clothes Shopping Argument

I'll be honest, I couldn't believe what I was reading. I mean, we all joke about how shopping trips are the death of us (excuse the pun), but this is beyond me. And I'm not trying to be funny here. This is actually sad, tragic and upsetting. What's up with the Far East?

A bit of music...

Apologies to my massive, international reader-base, but this is just too precious. The urge to post these videos was irresistible. However, just because I care about you and your spiritual enlightenment, I do provide translated lyrics.  

(1) Giasoumis Anastasiou - What a fool I was

I really don't know what's the best here: The haircut? The "dance" moves? The random balcony? Or the peaceful scenes of sky and mountain?



LYRICS:
It was a dark night, the lights of the streets were on
I combed my hair once more, and I went out to meet my friends
We took to the familiar streets, there where the wine makes you more beautiful
We met with old friends, there where beauty dies slowly

(punchline)
Inside colourful bars, we were supposedly creating our joy

(chorus)
Oh, but what a fool I was... Yes, what a fool I was...
How could I find light inside the darkness?
Oh, but what a fool I was... And how tired I got
trying to find water inside the fire
Oh everything was false, and yet they looked so real
I've never thought that in this world, the truth is one!

I lied down on the carpet again, dreamingly smoking a cigarette
The whole world was mine! No hesitation, I knew everything!
I will become a top-model, and the world will look at me and admire me
and everyone will talk about how famous I am.
"What, what God are you talking about, I don't care"

(punchline)

(chorus)

(awesome keyboards/guitar solo)

(chorus with an altered final line)
I've never thought that in this world, the truth is... Jesus!
---

And after the teenage pop smash hit, something for the whole family:

(2) Averkios and Lenia - Let's go towards the heavens

Yet again, I am unable to decide what the best part is: The glasses of Averkios? Averkios himself in general? Lenia's moves? Or her avant-garde colour-changing dress?


LYRICS:
Let's go, let's go towards the heavens (x2)
to meet our saviour (Jesus) Christ (x4)

It's time to wake up and stay awake,
to be united in spirit and be humbled
(it's time) for his grace to lift us up,
(it's time) for his love to unite us
to prepare ourselves for the heavens

Let's go, let's go towards the heavens (x2)
to meet our saviour (Jesus) Christ (x2)

These hours belong to our God and we give them to him
worship, glory, bowing and praying
(it's time) for his spirit to fill us
(it's time) for his blood to hallow us
(it's time) for him to prepare us for the heavens

Let's go, let's go towards the heavens (x2)
to meet our saviour (Jesus) Christ (x2)

The sin is growing in this deteriorating world
we are nearing the end, and the scene will be completed
yes, our Jesus is coming, his presence is seen
his kingdom is hurrying up and will show itself

Let's go, let's go towards the heavens (x2)
to meet our saviour (Jesus) Christ (x2)
Let's go, let's go towards the heavens (x2)
to meet our saviour (Jesus) Christ (x4)
---

As always, I leave the best for last. The rocker monks! Yeah, I'm serious. 0:21 of the video, "Music and Lyrics by Monk Padeleimon"...

(3) Eleftheroi - The microchip

We are talking about a serious production here, special FX and all. You decide what's the best...


LYRICS:
Your alarm clock goes off, the day has begun
and, (placed) under your skin, I bid you good morning
I might seem like a small thing, but I am something
that will be whistling inside the brain, and you won't be able to sleep

I answer the phone, I go shopping
and I tend to all your needs
I kill conscience, I tax thought
and I rule your life from a satellite

(chorus)
I'm a little, tiny microchip
that will lead you to slavery
take anything you desire in this world
it is enough that you live without God

Many things will happen around you,
and you won't be asked about them
and the streets of gleefulness will be shut off
I will become your protector, all the laws will be in my hands
and police officers will be jobless everywhere

Everything has been sold out, and you can't speak anymore
the world's governments answer to me
I go without sleep for many days, I play you like dice
and I also have a code: the three sixes (666)

(chorus)

(god-inspired guitar solo)

You chose me on your own, but now I've gathered momentum
a satanic force pushing you downhill
without you noticing I have become your passion
it's too late for tears now, you've made the mistake

You're wasting your time on the Internet and information
thousands of sins go through my archives
I promise safety and your supposed comfort
together with your freedom, you will lose your soul

(chorus x2)

Dogs

I think you can appreciate this fully only if you've ever had a dog of your own... If you haven't, I assure you: it's a 100% true. And that's why I love dogs.

"We never truly know how to appreciate something...

until we have lost it forever." So goes the proverbial phrase.

If you've lived in the UK for an extended period of time, you must be familiar with the absence of sunlight. Clouds, more clouds and even more clouds constitute the daily picture. Entire weeks can go by without as much as a glimpse of the Sun. And of course... the R A I N. Always. And loads of it. Naturally, as any self-respecting UK resident, I have been known to ever-so-often whinge about it, during my 4.5 years there.

Big parenthesis opens here: for what seemed like a century, but in reality was about a year, I used to live in a particular shitehole of the West Midlands called Coventry. I'm only going to tell you two facts: (1) Coventry is further from the coast than any other city in Britain. For someone who was born and raised by the sea (like me), that's a killer; (2) there is the British expression "to send someone to Coventry", which means to completely avoid someone and deliberately pretend that they no longer exist. Now, couple these two facts with the UK weather... 'Nough said? By the way, Coventry's only saving grace is the fact that it's only 95 miles (153 km) northwest of London. That means a couple of hours coach ride, with usually extremely cheap National Express tickets. Then I moved to Kenilworth. And I was happy(-ier). Because it has a castle. And a bit of water. And a bloody good cocktail bar. Big parenthesis closes here.

Now, one might say that I am a man of extreme solutions, as I've left the UK and moved to Chile. Mind you, not any part of Chile; I've moved to the North. That means the Atacama Desert. That means the driest place on the entire planet. And you know what? I actually miss the rain. There. I've said it.

I've been living here for 15 months now. It has rained twice. Actually, no, it hasn't. You can't call that rain. A few drops fell for a few minutes. I'm pretty sure no descriptive word for this exists in the English language. If I'd wanted, I could have counted the drops. But I was deep in trance, so I didn't. I was however able to enjoy the hilariously panicked expressions on people's faces as they were running for cover. So, yes, I guess I'm now whingeing about the lack of rain.

But not all is lost. For one thing, I found the sea again! Which means long walks by the waterfront. And that's neat. Also, you really get to see the literal application of the phrase "donde el desierto termina en el mar". Let me tell you, it really is impressive.

Small parenthesis opens here. However, don't even get me started on the city's nickname "La perla del Norte". In the words of the great Dr. Evil: "Riiiiiiiiiiiiight".

Small parenthesis closes here.

The other good thing is that the Tropic of Capricorn is just a few kilometres to the north. That means that during the Winter Solstice (around December 21st), the Sun passes through the zenith (this is the point in the sky directly overhead). As a result of the Sun's rays coming vertically down at you, you get to experience the slightly unnerving effect of objects casting no shadows in broad daylight. And that's also neat. 

And yes, I've just turned my rant into an Astronomy lesson. I'm good.

What really goes on in conferences

The things common mortals never hear about



Original seen of course at xkcd

Pragmatism in science

Yes, we Astronomers are very romantic people, but sometimes you just need to bring home the bacon

Original seen of course at xkcd

Growing up as a teenage boy

Ah, the Inbetweeners (have a look here). Another one of my all-time favourites. Who among us (men) can't identify with the challenges these four lads face...

About halfway in, comes one of the best dialogues of the entire series. I have just two words for you: cock wig... 'Nough said.

There is science...

... and there is science.

Seriously now, "An In-Depth Analysis of a Piece of Shit" ??? I would give anything to be able to publish a paper like that.

By the way, browse down the page and check their Figure 1. Priceless...

Kudos to my friend TK for sending me this.

Geography and stereotypes

It all started with this. Basically, a bunch of people from the US were given a blank map of Europe and were asked to name all European countries.

The result: they failed miserably and comedy ensued. Of course, this just worked to reinforce the stereotype that Americans are stupid. And let me tell you, we Europeans love our stereotypes. I will let Dara explain it better:

I will admit it, I had a good laugh out of the whole thing.

But, let's take a step back and examine the situation in more detail. Sure, we are all laughing at the Americans. However, I have three questions.

1) How many Europeans can actually fill in that map correctly (the former USSR and all the Balkan countries included)?

2) To turn it up a notch, how many Europeans can name the capital cities of every European country? What is the capital of Liechtenstein? Or Moldova, for that matter? And yes, Moldova is a real country in Europe.

3) And to turn the argument completely around, how many Europeans can correctly name the States? Oh, wait, they actually tried this one out. Yep... not even the "special relationship" can help.

So, next time you're ready to call someone stupid, first ask yourself if you would have done better.

And because I know you're itching to try out your knowledge, here:

1) Countries of Europe

2) Capitals of Europe

3) Naming the States

Technology

You have to love this stuff...

Geek jokes

I can't decide which one is better.

(1) "A geek is someone who believes there are 1024 metres in a kilometre."

(2) "There are 10 kinds of people: those who understand binary and those who don't"

(3)

Dear Santa

Dear Santa,

I haven't written to you in ages, but this year I've decided to make an exception.

For starters, living in the Southern Hemisphere means that I get to celebrate
Christmas in the S U M M E R. As if that didn't suck enough, I live in the middle of a bloody desert.

So, I think I'm within my rights to ask for this:

Oh, and Santa... this comes a month in advance, so you better f-ing deliver!

Sincerely yours,

Just Me

PS I am a rather reasonable man. I would also settle for this:

On the topic of inspiration (?)

When creating a blog, one needs to come up with stuff like a url, a title, a background, maybe even some pictures to put on. Where did I draw my inspiration (let's all pretend for a moment that the word is applicable here) from?

The blog's url is a tribute to this thing here, one of my favourite series (I generally avoid Top-5, Top-10, Top-random-number lists), that I could easily watch again and again.

The title... well, I really don't need to explain it, do I? At least, I shouldn't have to. I'll give you a hint: it is series-related as well... But honestly, shame on you if you need to resort to googling it.

The background is the "Ultra Deep Field" image by the Hubble Space Telescope.

 The profile picture is the William Herschel Telescope on the island of La Palma. And yes, it's shooting a bad-ass laser.

So, there you have it.

Prelude

ABANDON ALL HOPE YE WHO ENTER HERE

 

Clever guy that Dante...

I belong to the x% of the global population that, despite having Internet access, does not have a Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, you-name-it account. I'm not trying to be anticonformist here, I'm simply saying that this whole culture leaves me completely indifferent. Social networking just isn't my cup o' tea.

Is blogging any different? Am I using the easy way out? Dunno... and neither do I

particularly care to be honest. I decided to give it a go anyway, so here you have

it.

What can you expect?

Content-wise, a random collection of stuff, spontaneous thoughts, infrequent

outbursts, bits and bobs of music, a wee bit of whingeing and much more...

Frequency-wise, anything from posting-hibernation to posting-spree, depending on, well, many things.

Unlikely as it may be, if you do find something of interest, leave a comment. Whether I actually get back to you is an entirely different matter. Oh, and if you are one of those "I-hate-your-blog" people, I should inform you that I appreciate sarcasm and intelligent irony. Profanity will get you nowhere. Unless you're 12. In which case, switch off your computer, go have a glass of milk and get a dictionary to look up "profanity".